happynightmares

Okay so this is gonna be good. I had a webcam interview last week. This interview never happened. I finally manage on Friday to get a phone interview at my lunch hour. Now, I have read about this company and the CEO. Everything I read is true. He IS an abusive, confrontational prick. The entire interview he is breaking down what I do and my personality. Asking me what I do for fun, did I play sports or was in a Frat. Why were my grades so low at mediocore school when I bitchslapped my SATs? Mediocore school? UCLA? Prick! So I went to bars and stuff, did I? What did I do there? Did I hit on hos all the time? Did this forty year old white man just say “ho” in a job interview? Prick! Just more of the same, implying that I was too weak to work for him. That I couldn’t take pressure. My ASS. You don’t get to say that to me. You don’t get to play me and test me, and yes I know it was a test, I was a psych major, I’m not stupid. So after the interview, where i do a little better towards the end with my near death car crash experience and my saying that courtesy doesnt equal me being a pussy, I figure I bombed the interview. And that wasn’t a real interview, I was annoyed. I deserve a fair shake. So I wrote him a letter basically calling him a prick for a page and a half. I got an email back saying I passed the test and I should call for a phone interview. I did that today and I have an in person interview at 430 am tomorrow morning. This is the letter.

LETTER:

Thank you for interviewing me. Normally this would be a far more formal letter, but in this case I feel I can dispense with niceties. I just wanted to clarify some points in our interview.

Not having been in a fight or not playing sports doesn’t make you weak. I am laid back, yes. I don’t get in casual fights. This isn’t because I am too afraid or meek. I was just raised to handle things like angry. I just don’t get pissed off that easily. If you think about it, there aren’t a lot of situations worth getting pissed off about when you can handle it better some other way. If I have to be confrontational, I am. I just pick and choose.

I do seem timid in the interview. I think of that as courtesy. I was taught respect. It’s a job interview. Regardless of what you say, I’m going to be polite to you. I try not to let natural impulses take over in situations like our phone interview. While you may have been looking for me to tell you off, or be more confrontational, it wasn’t going to happen. If you want someone who can handle extremely stressful situations, I can do that. You want someone who can put up with a lot of in-your-face attitude, I can do that. And I can smile at you when I’m doing it. After 22 years of dealing with my parents there is absolutely nothing you or anyone in your office can say to me that would get me the least bit upset or irritated. I am good at handling my emotions. Like I said, if I have to, I’d tell my boss to go to hell. But for obvious reasons, that wouldn’t really be the best career move. And you’re paying me. I adapt to your attitude and personality, I don’t expect you to adapt to mine.

I had a 3.0 at UCLA. That’s not great. I could have done better but I messed up. There’s really no other explanation than that. I’m very intelligent and I didn’t put the effort into my schoolwork that I should have. That’s changing. Grades didn’t matter to me much at the time as long as I learned what I needed. Not the best attitude. I’ve worked on it since.

I am leaving RNC. Not because of any incident. I am liked at this company. I am not challenged. I have been given additional responsibilities, but Fixed Income doesn’t really excite me. I’d just graduated, I didn’t exactly have my life mapped out. If you’ve truly run into 20 year olds who know what they want for the next 60 years, I will be seriously impressed. Personally I think that anyone who is dead certain of the path their life should take straight out of college with little real world experience is a little too naïve. I will be traveling to India from June 15th to July 15th. I didn’t get to travel out of college and all indications are that it will be a while before I can do so again. I would not easily have been able to take a month off from RNC and I chose to make a clean break of it and seek alternate employment. It may sound like a bullshit reason, but it’s the truth. I truly am seeking a better long term opportunity and I think Chapman can provide that.

I want to work for Chapman Capital. I’ve read about you. I read some of your Item 7 letters. I want to work for anyone who can compare a company’s future projections to Mini Me boasting that he can beat the Oompa Loompa High Jump record. You’re brash and aggressive and confrontational. The consensus about you is that either you’re a badass who really knows his stuff or that you’re a prick who really knows his stuff. The fact that you are the way you are and have succeeded so well is exactly why I want to work for you. I want to learn everything you’ve got to offer and I can take anything you can dish out.

While my performance may have killed my chances, I just wanted to correct some assumptions you might have had and know that that I still want to work for you. I look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you,
A. G.

I am so Pimp. Hehehehehehe.