happynightmares

In the past 4 days, I have been in India. This is what I have learned so far.

1. Monsoons are cool in theory but suck to be stuck in. It’s neat to watch one when you’re drinking chai in a little outdoor cafe, but they kinda suck when they kill the power to your hotel and you have to take a showerin the dark. With no hot water. And the shower doesn’t work so you’re taking a cold shower in the dark with a bucket.
2. When you’re in a cab in the middle of a monsoon rain, that actually legally qualifies as a near death experience.
3. Traffic regulation is nonexistent and if you ever actually STOP, well, that’s just considered a failure.
4. If it’s hot enough, then even if you’re drinking around 4 giant bottles of water, you never have to actually pee.
5. Every single restaurant is a “Garden Restaurant”.
6. India has entrepeneurship down pat, but they need to devote some serious money t0 forming a good advertising industry because OH MY GOD THESE SLOGANS AND COMMERCIALS ARE MIND BENDINGLY BAD.
7. Don’t drink the water unless it’s bottled.
8. The cell phones are, ironically, more advanced than ours.
9. Taking malaria medication without eating goes down in my book as a SERIOUSLY BAD IDEA.
10. Two thousand year old man made caves with sculptures and paintings are kinda cool.
11. 900 year old impregnable forts are really really cool.
11A. Corollary to 11: Bats suck. I realized last time I was in India that monkeys suck. But bats are scary as hell. Especially when you’re in a tunnel in a fort and it’s pitch black and all you hear is the CHITTERING of thousands of BATS AND OH MY GOD WHAT DID I ALMOST STEP IN?!?!
12. Everything is incredibly cheap here, the service kinda sucks but BARGAINING IS AWESOME. My mom was bargaining for this thing yesterday and she actually drew a crowd of merchants to watch. After she left and went to the next shop the guy didn’t even try to cheat her, he just quoted the bottom price and that was that. This actually explains a lot about my childhood.
13. I could TOTALLY be a VJ for the Indian version of MTV.
14. Train stations are really really nasty and kind of flat out scary. Going to the bathroom in a train makes you very very glad that you’re able to pee standing up.
15. In the nicer restaurants, they’re not allowed to accept tips. It’s been two days and I am STILL in shock over this one.
16. HBO is a standard basic cable channel.
17. A blind man at a tomb we went to asked me where I was from when I walked in. He could tell my relatives were from Punjab. No one had SAID anything. So I learned that being blind apparently gives you super powers and I’m trying not to think about this one too much cause it’s a little freaky.
18. I really really want a motorcycle now. It’s the preferred mode of transportation of my PEOPLE, damnit!
19. Even Indians that are born here can’t count in Hindi. What the heck kind of language has a hundred different numbers from 1-100? Twenty one is NOT the same pattern as twenty two or thirty one! Argh!
20. The last thing I’ve learned or made up learning so far: As shallow as it may sound, I don’t ever want to be this poor. That whole “material possessions don’t mean anything” stuff? Tell that to someone living in a tiny ass shack. Then tell them how jealous you are that they are so rich in spirit. Wait an hour or two for them to stop laughing and then come talk to me. I’m perfectly happy seeking enlightenment with a good roof on my head, a nice car, and the things in life that make LIVING just fun. It doesn’t demean one to enjoy fine things in life and to pursue them actively. And there are around a billion people in this country alone who I am pretty sure would agree with me, given how actively they try to gouge me when I’m buying little trinkets. Honestly, cheating white people is one thing, but me? That’s just mean!